Facts About Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can happen in three different ways; physical, sexual, and emotional. Listed below are some examples of such.

Physical abuse – includes the following:

The perpetrator has:

 Pushed and shoved you
 Held you down and kept you from leaving or getting up
 Bitten, choked, or kicked you
 Hit or punched you, which may or may not result in visible injury
 Tied or otherwise physically restrained you
 Thrown objects at you which may or may not have hit you
 Locked you out of your house
 Abandoned you in dangerous places
 Refused to help you (e.g., get medical help) when you were injured or pregnant
 Forced you to ride in the car when he is driving recklessly and endangering your life or the lives of your children
 Pulled your hair, or your arms, legs, or other body parts
 Dragged you
 Ripped your clothing
 Forced you off the road or kept you from driving
 Raped you
 Threatened you with a weapon, used a weapon on you, or threatened to kill you
 Hit or beat you with other objects
 Stabbed or burned you

You will note that many of the above do not result in a physical injury. Physical abuse does not always result in physical injury. The atmosphere of violence and fear that these acts create is abusive and results in emotional pain, which always accompanies abuse.

Sexual abuse– includes the following:

The perpetrator has:

 Treated women as sex objects
 Gotten jealous, angry, and/or assumed you would or were having sex with any available man
 Insisted that you dress in a more sexual way than you wanted
 Insisted on touching you sexually when you did not want to be touched; when you were alone, or in the presence of others, called you a whore or a slut
 Withheld sexual affection
 Forced you to strip when you did not want to – alone or in the presence of others
 Forced you to watch him have sex with others
 Forced you to have sex with him
 Forced particular unwanted sexual acts
 Forced sex after battering
 Forced sex when you were sick or it was a danger to your health
 Forced sex with the purpose of hurting you with objects or weapons
 Committed sadistic sexual acts
 Forced you to pose for sexual photographs
 Forced you to have sex with animals

Sexual abuse is not just forced intercourse. The above are some of the many forms which sexual abuse may take. They all demean and humiliate women, making them feel shameful and exposed.

Emotional abuse – includes the following:

The perpetrator has:

 Ignored your feelings and/or belittled them
 Ridiculed or insulted women as a group, calling them crazy, emotional, stupid, etc.
 Withheld approval, appreciation, or affection as punishment
 Continually criticized you, called you names, shouted at you; nothing is ever good enough no matter what you do or how hard you try
 Insulted your friends and/or family; driving them away
 Humiliated you in private or public
 Refused to socialize with you – going out with you, but then totally ignoring you when out
 Kept you from working, controlled your money, made all the decisions, demanded you seek permission to do or have anything
 Refused to work or share money
 Taken car keys or money away
 Destroyed, sold, or give away things that are of importance or value to you
 Regularly threatened to leave or told you to leave
 Threatened to hurt your family and/or friends
 Punished or deprived the children when he was angry at you; treated the children especially, but excluded you, when he was angry at you
 Threatened to kidnap children if you ever left
 Blamed you for any problems (real or perceived) with the children
 Told you about his affairs to humiliate you
 Harassed you about affairs he imagined you were having
 Manipulated you with lies or contradictions
 Manipulated you with emotions – e.g., threatening to kill himself if you left, other forms of emotional blackmail
 Told you it was your fault when he physically or sexually abused you – that you asked for it, liked it, or deserved it
 Denied that his behavior is abusive and/or minimized the abuse – calling you crazy, weak, stupid; accusing you of making it up, not being able to handle it, etc.

One way to recognize abuse is to be aware that all abuse is humiliating and degrading.